The Guidebook
by Hannah95
Summary: Guide to 'units' of the Caribbean.
1. The Will Turner Unit

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. It's really quite sad.**

**A/N: Kat here! Hope ya like it!**

**Chapter 1: The Will Turner Unit**

Why, hello there! You are now the proud owner of The Will Turner UnitTM! Aren't you the lucky one! Inclosed are the instructions for your unit.

Comes With:

One Will Turner UnitTM

One sword

One dagger

One set of clothing from CotBP

One instruction packet

One order form

How To Activate Your Unit:

Your unit should come in a box. Upon receiving this box, open it and you will find inside your unit. To activate, the simplest way being to splash him with water (preferably salt), the more complicated being to put an Elizabeth Turner/Swann UnitTM in danger. Upon activation, depending on the area that you live in, your Will Turner UnitTM will probably seek a source of water. If you do not live near a lake/creek/ocean/body of water, a pool should do the trick.

Functions of Your Unit:

You Will Turner UnitTM is capable of performing many simple, every day tasks, and also several more complicated ones. These simple tasks include the ability to captain a ship, the ability to negotiate (in the pirate way, that is), and the ability to adapt to almost any climate. He is also an expert swords man, is very good at making swords, and can fight under almost any circumstances.

Emotions of Your Unit:

Your unit has a series of programmed emotions, and is also very complex. Here is a list of the emotions of you Will Turner UnitTM, and how to deal with them.

Love. Your Will Turner UnitTM is very capable of loving you and others who are kind to him. If you don't want him to love you, kill him or kill Elizabeth. He shall hate you for the rest of eternity. Or just become a Sparrabeth shipper…

Anger. Your Will Turner UnitTM is also very capable of anger at you or others that either won't believe him or won't help him. If he is angry with you, we suggest that you get as far away from him as possible. Bad things could happen…

Indifference. Your Will Turner UnitTM is capable of indifference if he happens not to love/like you and you stand in his way. Some of the people he is indifferent to end up dying…

Joy. Your Will Turner UnitTM can experience joy at times. Things that bring him joy are Elizabeth, making swords, and Elizabeth. Did we mention Elizabeth?

Hate. Your Will Turner UnitTM will sometimes experience hate. Sometimes directed at Jack Sparrow, and occasionally at Elizabeth, such as after she kissed Jack.

Sadness. Your Will Turner UnitTM will become sad if you kill Elizabeth, keep him from a body of water, or make him watch Jack and Elizabeth kiss. (And what kind of horrible person would do that?)

Lust. This emotion is normally directed at Elizabeth, or if he loves you, you.

And an assorted arrangement of other human emotions.

Your Order Form:

Your order form can be used in a wide variety of ways. Listed here are those options:

To order more clothes (DMC and AWE)

To order another sword/swords

To order another dagger

To order a ship

To order another (different) unit/model

Interacting With Your Unit 

Your Will Turner UnitTM works well with several other units. These units are:

the Elizabeth Turner/Swann UnitTM

the Jack Sparrow UnitTM (but only occasionally)

the Bootstrap Bill UnitTM

Your Will Turner UnitTM does not interact well with:

the Cutler Beckett UnitTM

the Davy Jones UnitTM

the Mercer UnitTM

the Hector Barbossa UnitTM

the Sao Feng UnitTM

You are highly encouraged to purchase any of the above models, so long as they are able to interact with the Will Turner UnitTM. However, if you hope to seduce your Will Turner UnitTM, we highly recommend not purchasing the Elizabeth Turner/Swann UnitTM. Common Questions: Q: My Will Turner UnitTM arrived wearing full battle armor. What happened? A: You have been accidentally shipped a Paris UnitTM instead. We are terribly sorry, and if you really wish to return him, we will be happy to give a Will Turner UnitTM. 

Q: My Will Turner UnitTM arrived dead. What can I do?

A: OK, first off: He's not dead. He's sleeping. Second of all, are you sure you awakened him right? If you didn't use salt water, it might not have worked.

Q: My Will Turner UnitTM has recently taken to groping my legs. What should I do?

A: Don't you like it? We can't help you. It's his nature. You should be glad he likes you that much.

Q: My Will Turner UnitTM hates me. What should I do?

A: You don't happen to be a Sparrabeth shipper, are you? He hates them…

Q: My Will Turner UnitTM loves me. What should I do?

A: Why are you complaining? He loves you, right?

Q: I do not live near a large body of water. How can I keep my Will Turner UnitTM happy?

A: Just get a pool, or put him near a bathtub. That should help.

Q: I recently bought a Davy Jones UnitTM. My Will Turner UnitTM hates him. What should I do?

A: You idiot! We told you not to buy anything that would make Will mad! We can't help you!

**A/N: Done! So, tell me what you think. No flames, please. I've checked. This is OK with the guidelines since it is not a list. If you have questions for this chapter or any others, please send them. If you have a character you really want done, I'll try to do them.**

**Ciao! Phantom's Child. (Kat)**

**And now for a quote from Jack Sparrow:**

"**No, actually, I prefer rum. Rum is good."**

**Stay tuned for another unit and a fun quote!**


	2. The Elizabeth TurnerSwann Unit

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Chapter 2: The Elizabeth Turner/Swann UnitTM 

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of an Elizabeth Turner/Swann UnitTM. Read on to find out how to interact with your unit, how your unit functions, and more!

Comes With:

One Elizabeth Turner/Swann UnitTM

Three out fits (All the clothes from CotBP)

One gold medallion

One sword

One instruction manual

One order form

How To Activate Your Unit:

Your Elizabeth Turner/Swann UnitTM should arrive fully packaged in a box. To activate her, you should probably untie her corset. Funny how that thing always seems to make her faint, isn't it? Now, that's the easiest way. The harder way would be to have Jack rescue her from some body of water. But you really don't want to go to all that trouble, now do you?

Functions of Your Unit: 

Your Elizabeth Turner/Swann UnitTM is fully functional in several ways. She is able to order around pirates, invoke parlay, seduce gorgeous men, and still manage to do all of this while wearing a dress and never smearing her mascara. Isn't she amazing? We thought so.

Emotions of Your Unit:

Your Elizabeth Turner/Swann UnitTM has several major emotions. In the passage below, you will read about what these emotions are and how to deal with them.

Love. Your Elizabeth Turner/Swann UnitTM is fully capable of love. Normally these affections are directed at Will Turner. There are no precautions you can take, we suggest letting the love run its course.

Anger/Rage. Your Elizabeth Turner/Swann UnitTM is also very capable of anger and intense rage. In the case that this rage is directed at you, we strongly suggest that you run as fast as you can, as far as you can until she calms down enough to be reasonable.

Indifference. Your Elizabeth Turner/Swann UnitTM is able to be indifferent to people if she doesn't want to care what happens to them. If she is indifferent to you, well, she must not like you very much.

Joy. Your Elizabeth Turner/Swann UnitTM can be very joyful at times, especially around Will. Things that bring her joy are Will, her son, Will, pirates, Will, her ship, Will, swords, and Will. And did we mention Will?

Hate. Your Elizabeth Turner/Swann UnitTM may experience hate towards certain people for certain reasons, such as certain things they have done to her and certain members of her family. If your Elizabeth Turner/Swann UnitTM hates you, we suggest you get far, far, far, far, far away from her.

Lust. This emotion is always, always, always directed at Will Turner.

And many other human emotions.

Your Order Form:

The order form that came with your Elizabeth Turner/Swann UnitTM can be used in a number of ways. These ways are:

To order more clothes. (DMC and AWE)

To order another sword.

To order a ship.

To order other units. (Different models)

Interacting With Your Unit:

We strongly encourage you to interact with your Elizabeth Turner/Swann UnitTM. If you feel, for some reason, like ordering Elizabeth a friend, we have supplied you with a list of what models Elizabeth interacts well with. Elizabeth interacts well with:

the Will Turner UnitTM

the Jack Sparrow UnitTM

the Tia Dalma UnitTM

the Governor Swann UnitTM

The Elizabeth Turner/Swann UnitTM does not interact well with:

the Cutler Beckett UnitTM

the Mercer UnitTM

the Sao Feng UnitTM

the Hector Barbossa UnitTM

the Davy Jones UnitTM

You are highly encouraged to buy any of the above models, so long as they interact well with the Elizabeth Turner/Swann UnitTM.

Common Questions:

Q: My Elizabeth Turner/Swann UnitTM is dead. What do I do?

A: OK, she's not dead! She's just passed out. Loosen her corset. That should do the trick.

Q: My Elizabeth Turner/Swann UnitTM keeps screaming "What shall we die for?!" at me and my parents. What should I do?

A: Yeah…We've encountered this problem often. We suggest slapping her. That normally works in this sort of situation.

Q: My Elizabeth Turner/Swann UnitTM hates me. What should I do?

A: You aren't a Sparrabeth shipper, are you? Maybe you did something to make her mad…

Q: I just bought a Sao Feng UnitTM, and my Elizabeth Turner/Swann UnitTM hates him. What do I do?

A: You're an idiot. A bloody idiot. We told you not to buy him! We can't help you and your stupidity.

Q: I have a parrot. Will my Elizabeth Turner/Swann UnitTM like my pet?

A: We have found that, in most cases, your Elizabeth Turner/Swann UnitTM should be able to at least tolerate your pet.

Q: I happen to be a Sparrabeth shipper and wish to make my unit fall in love with said Jack. What should I do to make this happen?

A: You can't do anything, you fool! Get out! Leave! Just leave! All the Sparrabeth shippers…they make our heads hurt!

**A/N: That's all folks. R&R, por favor.**

**Lots of Luff,**

**Phantom's Child (Kat)**

**And now for the Jack Sparrow quote:**

"**Nobody move! I've dropped me brain!"**

**Stay tuned…**


	3. The Jack Sparrow Unit

**Disclaimer: Disclaimed. Why do we even have to put these?**

**I would like to take this space to thank some of my lovely reviewers.**

**To illogical sqeeks: I hope I spelled your name right. Thank you for the lovely compliments and suggestions. And yeah, it's not really a story, but does it really matter if you like it? And, you will not have to wait long for Davy Jones or Cutler Beckett. They will both be coming right after Jack. Is there anyone else you would really like to see? Please tell me.**

**To Kchan88: Thank you's for reviewing.**

**To Xx.maddy-sparx.xX: Thanks. I love the x's in your name. **

**To RedWing777: Kool name. Thanks for the lovely review.**

**Chapter 3: The Jack Sparrow Unit****TM**

Hello! You are now the lucky owner of the new Jack Sparrow UnitTM. Here you will find tips, rules, and guidelines on how to use your new model. Enjoy, and read on!

Your Unit Comes With:

One Jack Sparrow UnitTM

A sword.

A pistol containing one shot.

A jar of dirt.

A bottle of rum.

His affects.

One outfit. (It's pretty much the same in all the movies.)

One instruction manual.

One order form.

How To Activate Your Unit:

You can activate your Jack Sparrow UnitTM in a number of ways. The easiest way is to slap him. You can also try burning his rum, but we find that this makes Jack sullen and prone to violence. If you burn said rum, he might hold it against you for quite a while. And burning other people's rum isn't really a good way to start off a friendship. We also recommend that, if you are married, you keep Jack away from your spouse. If your spouse is female, he may try to seduce her. If your spouse is male, Jack might kill him so that he can have you all to himself, if he likes you.

Functions Of Your Unit:

Your Jack Sparrow UnitTM is fully capable of doing many things, as long as he's not drunk. Which happens quite often, incidentally. But even if he is drunk, which is often, he is still capable of sword-fighting. When he's not drunk, he can do even more amazing things, such as swinging from one ship to another by blasting himself off by lighting a cannon. If in Tortuga, he can hide from various Navel officers. Jack is an excellent captain, and can normally talk himself out of any situation, even death. 

Emotions Of Your Unit:

Your Jack Sparrow UnitTM is capable of feeling many human emotions. Here you will find some of his most basic emotions and how to deal with them.

Anger. Jack will get angry with you for many different reasons. Some of them are: burning his rum, kissing him then causing him to die, taking his rum, stealing his ship, and not calling him 'captain'.

Lust. Jack has lusted over many women in his time, and there is really nothing you can do to stop him.

Joy. Jack enjoys his rum, the company of women, and his ship, the Black Pearl.

Sadness. Your Jack Sparrow UnitTM will be sad if you keep him from the sea, brand him as a pirate, or burn his rum.

Hate. Jack will hate you for the same reasons he will be angry with you. Only, he'll hate you if you do these things to him repeatedly.

And an assortment of other emotions that we are to lazy/stupid to describe to you.

Your Order Form:

Your order form can be used to do several things. They are:

To order more rum

To order another sword.

To order another pistol.

To order an un-dead monkey. (Jack enjoys shooting these)

To order the Black Pearl.

To order another unit/model.

Interacting With Your Unit:

Your UnitTM interacts well with several other units. These units are:

the Will Turner UnitTM (but only sometimes)

the Elizabeth Turner/Swann UnitTM (see note above)

the Tia Dalma UnitTM

the Scarlett UnitTM (only when she's not slapping him)

the Giselle UnitTM (see above)

the Gibbs UnitTM

the Bootstrap Bill UnitTM

There are also some units your unit will not like. These are:

the Sao Feng UnitTM

the Hector Barbossa UnitTM

the Davy Jones UnitTM

the Cutler Beckett UnitTM

the Mercer UnitTM

the Kracken UnitTM

the Norrington UnitTM

You are highly encouraged to interact with your Jack Sparrow UnitTM also. If you are nice to him, your Jack will probably become a good friend. As long as he doesn't sell your soul to Davy Jones in order to save himself. Although he's a bit of a coward, you'll love him anyway, even if you're a Willabeth shipper.

Common Questions:

Q: My Jack Sparrow UnitTM keeps screaming, "Where's the thump-thump?"

A: We've found that it's best to ignore him and hope he stops. Really, there's no stopping him sometimes. And yes, he is insane.

Q: My Jack Sparrow UnitTM is afraid of my pet octopus. What do I do?

A: First off, why do you have a pet octopus? Second, well, we think it might remind him of the Kracken. We suggest that you get a better pet, or that you just keep your pet away from Jack.

Q: I bought a Sao Feng UnitTM before I bought my Jack Sparrow UnitTM. What do I do?

A: They both hate each other. Why did you buy them both? As if you couldn't tell from PotC: AWE, they hate each other.

Ok, I'm done. What do you guys think? I'm sorry for not updating sooner! Don't send clowns after me! If you want to ask a Common Question on a unit I haven't done yet, I'll give you credit for the question. And it can be as weird as you want it to be.

**Your Jack Quote:**

"**I wash my hands of this weirdness!"**

**Lots of Luff,**

**Phantom's Child**


	4. The Davy Jones Unit

**Disclaimer: Me no own. You no sue.**

**A/N: Back, my peeps! I know, run and hide, run and hide…**

**DEDICATED TO MY BFFL, ASHLEY! SUSHI! **

**Chapter 4: The Davy Jones Unit**

Well, hello! You are now the lucky (or perhaps unlucky) owner of a Davy Jones UnitTM! In this manual you'll find all you need to know about your very own Davy Jones UnitTM. We do hope you enjoy him.

Your Unit Comes With:

(a) One Davy Jones UnitTM

(b) One ivory cane

One pipe

One music box

One organ

Set of clothes

One sword

Instruction packet

Order form

How To Activate Your Unit:

Your Davy Jones UnitTM should come fully packaged in a steel box full of salt water. He will arrive knocked out, and you should not attempt to wake him, until he awakes naturally. Doing anything else is highly unadvisable. If you do, however, try to activate him in any other way, we are not responsible for any psychical/mental harm or death.

Functions Of Your Unit:

Your Davy Jones UnitTM is capable of functioning, but only if he is in salt water constantly. We cannot stress that point enough. If he is ever out of salt water, he will die. We would like to take the time now to remind you that if your unit dies, we are not responsible. And you wouldn't want him to die, would you? Davy Jones is in charge of ferrying souls to the Great Beyond, and is only allowed to step on land once every ten years. He is rather good at sword fighting, and commands the seas.

Emotions Of Your Unit:

Your Davy Jones UnitTM is capable of several human and inhuman emotions. Some of them are here, as well as how to deal with them.

Hate. Normally directed at Jack Sparrow, or some of his crew, or perhaps Cutler Beckett.

Anger. When your Davy Jones UnitTM is very angry, we suggest going away. When he gets angry, normally someone/something dies.

Love. But only occasionally. Directed at Calypso.

Sadness. Normally when his heart's around. Sometimes when he thinks of Calypso.

There are also some other inhuman emotions that we have not yet identified, and also some emotions that we didn't include because Davy Jones told us not to.

Your Order Form:

You can do several things with your order form. Those things are:

Order the Flying Dutchman

Order a sword.

Order some of Davy's favorite salt water.

Order another, different, unit/model.

Interacting With Your Unit:

You are normally encouraged to interact with your unit, but in this case, you may want to wait until he gets used to you before trying to do anything with him. Your unit interacts well with very few units. Those units are:

the Tia Dalma/Calypso UnitTM

the Kracken UnitTM

Your Davy Jones UnitTM does not interact well with:

the Cutler Beckett

the Jack Sparrow

the Norrington

the Gibbs

the Will Turner

the Elizabeth Turner/Swann

the Barbossa

the Sao Feng

the Capt. Teague

the Bootstrap Bill

the Mercer

We encourage you to buy only the models that Davy Jones works well with. If you order any of the others…Woe be to you!

Common Questions:

Q: My Davy Jones UnitTM speaks with a heavy Scottish accent and curses often. What should I do?

A: We've found this a common problem. It seems a Suethor has gotten hold of him and fed him coffee beans, or some such fare. We have found that almost anything containing caffeine turns canon character OOC. We suggest just letting him burn it off. It'll run down…eventually…

Q: My Davy Jones UnitTM seems to be afraid of my cat. What should I do?

A: Your cat? Hmmm…We haven't heard this one before….Well, maybe you should just keep your cat away from him…WAIT! Has your cat been licking his sushi beard?

Q: Would my Davy Jones UnitTM make a good DJ?

A: Ashley! Why are you here? But the answer's no.

Q: Would my Davy Jones UnitTM's beard make good sushi?

A: Ashley? Is that you? Are you still here? Where are you? Dang. She left. No, we do not suggest eating Davy Jones's beard. He might not like you very much, and in the process of trying to get your delicious seafood treat, he might kill/harm you. So no. Just…no.

**A/N: Alright, that's all I've got. Shorter than the rest, I know. Only 805 words! (Sob) I'm horrible. Thanks to Ashley, my BFFL, for the sushi and DJ ideas. Please review! No flames. They burn…IF YOU FLAME, I WILL SEND HAROLD AFTER YOU. (Harold is the beaver pelt that I got for Christmas. Yes, PETA does hate me. And if you think it's wrong that I have a beaver pelt…well, that's your opinion. You're entitled to it. ******


	5. The Beckett Unit

Disclaimer: I claim to disclaim to own nothing at all

**Disclaimer: I claim to disclaim to own nothing at all.**

**A/N: Here it is, just like I promised! Please don't kill me for not updating sooner, I was just lazy!**

Chapter Five: The Cutler Beckett Unit

I see you have now purchased a Cutler Beckett UnitTM! Here you will find everything you need to know about your new unit!

You Unit Comes With:

A Cutler Beckett UnitTM

One set of clothes

One action figure of himself

One model ship

One tea set

One instruction manual

One order form

How To Activate You Unit:

There are several ways to activate your unit. One of them, quite possibly the easiest way, is to wait for him to wake up naturally. Another is to dump a pot of hot tea on him, but we really don't advise that, seeing as he'll have disfiguring burns/scars, and he won't like you very much after that.

Functions of You Unit:

Your unit is capable of functioning in several ways, but not that many. We've yet to see if he can sword fight, but he may be able to if you teach him. He is able to give orders, though, and can negotiate rather well. He can lay out a very nice tea, too, so if you want to have a tea party, he's your man. Just don't invite Davy Jones. It would end badly.

Emotions of Your Unit:

We really haven't been able to place some of the emotions, but as many as we have been able to are here:

Hate. Normally directed at Jack Sparrow, and pirates in general. We also have reason to believe that he may also hate Gov. Swann, for reasons unknown.

Default. His default mode is just…well…nothing. It seems almost as if he doesn't care.

We also suppose he can feel fear, even if he doesn't show it. We doubt if remorse is possible, though it might be. Love has not yet been displayed, but that doesn't mean it isn't there, buried deep down under his mask of indifference.

Your Order Form:

We suggest keeping this, as it can be used to do several things. These things are:

Order some of his favorite tea.

Order new clothes.

Order more action figures.

Order another unit/model.

Interacting With Your Unit:

You are highly encouraged to interact with your unit, though he may not like you very much. He doesn't seem to like anyone much, really. Here are the units he interacts well with:

Misc. Navy Officer

Will Turner (but only on occasion)

Here are the units he does not interact well with:

The Davy Jones

The Will Turner

The Capt. Jack Sparrow

The Elizabeth Turner/Swann

The Gibbs

The Barbossa

The Calypso

Misc. Pirate

Davy Jones's Crew

Common Questions:

Q: (Big thanks to squeeks for this one!) I forgot to put sugar in my Cutler Beckett UnitTM's tea. Now he hates me. What should I do?

A: Ah, we're seen this one before. We suggest apologizing profusely. If that doesn't work, GROVEL! Grovel like you've never groveled before if you want him to like you again. That's all we've got…

Q: I think my Cutler Beckett UnitTM is dead. He just fell over one day while having his tea, and I don't know what to do!

A: Where was the tea from? Are you sure it was tea and not coffee? He's allergic to coffee…Try slapping him a few times and if he doesn't wake up then, pour boiling tea on him. If he's not dead, he'll wake up. But he'll hate you…Oh well, better him be alive and hate you than dead and like you, right?

Q: I have a Jack Sparrow Unit TM and a Cutler Beckett UnitTM. They keep fighting and trying to leave marks on the other. What should I do?

A: They really, really don't interact well together at all. If they both keep trying to leave marks on the other, separate them. Lock them in different rooms, whatever it takes to keep them from killing each other. Or, you could just let one of them kill the other one, and then you'd have peace! But we're not responsible from any/all damage. Sorry.

**Man, that was way too short! I'm sorry! (sobs) I'll do better next time, I promise! I swear it! Anyway, review. Barbossa's up next, so send me questions for him! And, I promise, Barbossa will be up by the end of May. I promise! If I'm wrong, you can all hunt me down and kill me. But please don't. Because then I couldn't write anymore, and that would suck if you like this story, right? Right. So, review, or Harold will come after you. (But not you, squeeks, because he likes you.) XD**

**My new name, **

**WrestlingChika **


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